The Shame of Knowing
by Soldier's Girl 27
Summary: She started to dial 911 and I quickly went up to her and closed her phone. She looked up at me in disbelief. "They're going to think I killed him!" "Then what do you want me to do?" she screamed. "Help me hide the body."
1. Chapter 1

The Shame of Knowing

My head pounded as he forcefully punched at me. I tried to fight back, but he was so much bigger than me, and my punches were just little flicks to him. I hit him in the stomach a couple times, causing him to stumble back. But a few punches weren't going to do it.

I forgot what we were fighting about. I don't even think that we were fighting about anything. We just had so much negative energy towards each other; one word could set us off. I don't know why I kept getting myself in these situations. I guess it was easier to fight with him, then to actually ignore him.

My thinking was harshly interrupted by a swift kick to my ribs. I quickly looked at my watch and noticed the time. "Shit!" I thought. "Clare should be here any minute." I wiped the blood from my split lip as Fitz charged toward me. I mustered up all my strength and pushed him. Hard. From the time I heard his head crack against the ground, everything started going in slow motion.

It took me a second to register what just happened. And then I heard my voice being called. "Eli!" it screamed. I started to think I was hallucinating until I saw her pale face shadowed with horror. "What the hell happened?" she screamed now looking down at Fitz. She quickly rummaged through her purse pulling out her cell phone. "What are you doing?" I spit out now shaking. "I'm calling an ambulance, he's losing blood from his head!" she screamed. I quickly ran up to her and closed the cell phone.

She looked up at me in disbelief. "You can't!" "They know about Fitz and me fighting!" "We have a record!" "They're going to think I killed him!" I screamed now pacing. She ran over to Fitz and searched for a pulse. She looked up at me, crying and breathing heavily. "Clare, calm down everything is going to be fine." I soothed. "No, it's not!" "He's d- dead!" she screamed. "Come on, help me" I said now grabbing Fitz's feet. "What do you want me to do?" she sobbed. "Help me hide the body," I said now dragging Fitz's carcass in the woods.

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	2. Everybody's Hero

Everybody's Hero

I dragged the body deep in the woods as Clare covered it with leaves. The dirty deed was done and we decided to head back to Morty. Clare closed the door weakly and began sobbing. I knew what she was feeling. So I reached over to her and wrapped my strong arms around her in a warm embrace. I was just as scared as she was. But I couldn't show it. I had to be strong for her. Because of if I wasn't, the guilt just might eat me up inside.

"Clare, everything is going to be ok," I soothed. "No, it's not!" she screamed, now pulling away from me. "Fitz is dead and it's all our fault!" I didn't know what to say. So I just sat there. And so did she. After about what seemed like an hour she broke the silence. "God Eli, I'm so sorry." "I know it was an accident, but maybe we should just come clean." She was so right. It was amazing how she always did the right thing. But we couldn't tell. "Or maybe you should keep your mouth shut," I snapped. I could tell she didn't expect me to say that. Hell, I didn't expect those words to pop out of my mouth either.

She quickly unbuckled her seat belt, and hopped out of my car and started walking away. I got out and started going after her. "I'm sorry," I screamed as she continued to walk away. "I'm scared!" I bellowed my throat crying with my tears. She turned facing me, now hugging me as I sobbed in her neck. "We need to tell the police," she stated. I pulled away, now looking her in her blue eyes and simply stated "No."

"Fine, I'm going to the police and I'll tell them that I did it," she said unconvincingly. "Clare, you and I both know that they won't believe that." I said nervously. Why is she trying to cover for me? "Well, we'll have to see," "Won't we?" she questioned. "Please Clare, don't." "I love you," I said dragging her into a long passionate kiss. I shouldn't have done this. I knew she was vulnerable. But I couldn't let her cover for me like this. She didn't deserve this.

So when the innocent kisses started to get guilty, I didn't try to stop them. And when she started undoing my belt, my hands were relaxed, not preparing to stop hers. So when I was just about to take her innocence, my mind wasn't stopping me. And I wasn't everybody's hero anymore. I was the man who stopped at nothing to get what I wanted. I was a killer. Not just because of Fitz. Also because of Clare. I knew that what I did to her would internally kill her. And that's the thing that would make me so much guiltier.

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	3. What You Don't Know Won't Hurt Me

What You Don't Know Won't Hurt Me

She turned over in her sleep, now facing me. I looked at her pale angelic face and turned away quickly. It hurt me so bad to know that I used her. I sit here staring at the celling trying to figure out where it went all wrong. I can't believe I did this to her. She wiggled around and stretched out her feet. As she began waking up. Her blue eyes shot out from under her newly opened lids and she smiled, now sitting up, snaking her arms around my waist. She leaned in for a kiss, but I quickly pulled away.

"What's wrong?" she questioned. "Nothing," I said unconvincingly. "Eli, I know you and I know that something is wrong. For some reason those words made me crack. "You think you know me?" I screamed. I could tell she was frightened because she winced at the harshness of my voice. "Yes," she stated. "Did you know that I killed my ex-girlfriend?" I growled. "Huh?" "Did you know that the only reason I slept with you is so that you wouldn't go to the cops. I suddenly realized what I just said as I saw her curious blue orbs turn into blue pools of sadness.

She wasn't supposed to find out like this. She pulled on her dress and slipped her shoes on as she reached for the door handle, looking back one last time. And I didn't stop her. I knew I was wrong, but what was I supposed to say? That I was sorry? I think we both knew deep down inside that I wasn't. So as the most important thing in my life walked out of my life, she not only took a piece of me. But a piece of my happiness. A piece of my courage. A piece of my everything.

I I wanted to believe that she wouldn't tell. But after what just went down, I didn't know what to expect. I thought about the time when I told her about my hoarding and how she told me that she wouldn't give up on me. All these emotions came rushing through my body and I began violently sobbing. I was stupid to think that I could change. That maybe I wouldn't be this insecure little boy hiding from the truth. That I would change and deal with my anger in a better way. But I don't know who I was trying to fool. I guess hiding from the truth was easier than dealing with it.

My mind kept flashing back to her face as she looked back on me. It was like she wasn't angry, but disappointed. And that was so much worse. To know that she had given up on me. On us. And I tightly gripped the black steering wheel. I had to make things right.

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	4. The Villian Strikes Again

The Villain Strikes Again

I drove cautiously on the open rode on my search for Clare's house. I turned the knob on the radio. "_The police have discovered a dead body behind the restaurant The Dot in Toronto, Canada. Investigators say that it was the body of 17 year old Mark Fitzgerald."_ I turned off the radio and my mind instantly flashed back to the look of his face as he was lying on the ground.

"Honk!" "Honk!" I quickly swerved Morty to the side of the road. My lungs were collapsing as I began to breathe heavier. Sweat beads trickled down my forehead. "What did you do?" Clare's voice rang in my ears. My eye lids became heavy, closing out the light. I woke up on a familiar looking sofa. I heard a soft voice talking on the phone, and I then realized where I was. The girl hung up the phone and came back into the living room.

My head furiously ached as I tried to remember what just happened. "You passed out," Clare said calmly as she sat down next to me and changed the bandage on my head. "And when I tried to get you out of your car, you fell and hit your head." Her hand gently brushed across my ear as she unwrapped the bandage. She flinched at the contact and quickly pulled her hand away

"Clare," I dragged as she turned her head to look at me. "Thank you," I whispered seriously. "What are friends for?" she said unconvincingly. Those words set me off. "Friends?" I questioned angrily, now sitting up. "Feelings like ours don't go away overnight," I screamed. "Yeah, well they do when you lie to me," her small voice screeched. "Tell me that you don't still have feelings for me!" I yelled now standing up. "Tell me!" I growled now pushing her up against the wall, our faces just inches apart. "I don't still have feelings for you," her voice whimpered as I pulled her into a deep kiss.

"Please Clare," "I really do love you." I cried as our faces lingered close to each other. Her blue orbs shot up to my dishonest green eyes and I could tell that she was buying it. Just like she always did. She was just so naïve to think that love solved everything. And I was just so messed up, that I couldn't tell her how incredibly stupid she was. I mean she was living in this secluded little world where good guys always win and words actually have meanings. My thought was interrupted by a harsh knock on the door. I answered the door and my heart almost jumped out of my chest as I saw a police officer.

"I'm officer Stabler and I'm investigating the murder of Mark Fitzgerald. "I understand you two were in a feud," he started. "Fitz and I didn't get along very well, but I would never kill him." I said. "He always wanted to fight me," "But I always felt kind of sorry for him," I lied. "And why is that?" the officer questioned. "Because he would do anything for attention." I continued. "Okay, well thank you," "And if you have any other information, please don't hesitate to contact us," he stated as he pulled out his card. I nodded my head and led him out the door. And just like that, the villain strikes again.

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